A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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