How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
