don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
