I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
