Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
