dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
