dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Randomize
