Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
