Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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