Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
