is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
