just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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