What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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