so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
