Well douche your snatch and let's go!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
