She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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