next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
