I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Randomize
