tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
