Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
