guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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