I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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