Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
