His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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