I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
