it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
