I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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