i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
