Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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