you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
