If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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