: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
