Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
