I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Come on in and take your pants off
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