you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
