you traded sex for a burrito?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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