Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
