nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
