Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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