My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
