i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
