"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
