I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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