oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
