My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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