I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
