sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
