Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
