Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
