I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
