Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
