I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
