New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
