It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
