the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
